'twas the Night Before Christmas (dog version)

'twas the Night Before Christmas (dog version)


It was about time for Christmas, and all through the house

A creature was stirring, but it wasn't a mouse

I knew right away it was my wife's little pup,

She thought we were sleeping, and so she was up



The dog was a gift it was coercion, really,

A woman can pout, 'til a man gets downright silly.

And now the wife was snoozing she was really sacked out

She wouldn't have awoke from less than a shout.



Yes, her in her nightgown, I in my BVDs,

We had finally settled down to catch some Zs

When off in the kitchen there arose such a clatter,

I rolled from the bed to see what was the matter.



Away down the hall, my head in a muddle,

I reached the kitchen...and stepped in a puddle.

The glow from a nightlight illuminated the room,

So how come I stumbled over the broom?





I fell in a sprawl, my legs were not stable.

On the way down, my nose hit the table.

My head was a spinnin' and when I came to rest

Four miniature dog feet stood on my chest.





With a lick and a bark, she bounded away,

Into the living room, she ran to play.

More rapid than mouses, that rat terrier ran,

Me on the follow, rolled newspaper in hand.





"Stop, Skeeter! Stop, Dog! Stop, Pup!

Halt, Pooch! Halt, Girl! Oh, come'ere, you mutt!

"Get off the new couch! Now let go of that curtain!

Ohhh...If I ever catch you, you're gonna' be hurtin'"





As winds of a Texas tornado do fly,

She spun round the room, down low and up high.

Then up on the countertop, that puppy went

She stopped for a second. I thought she was spent.





I make a quick lunge, she ducked me and then

Yawned when I dove through the flour bin.

As I drew out my head and was turning around,

She made for the presents, in a single bound.





I was covered with flour, from my head to my toes,

My robe in tatters, and blood on my nose.

A bag full of toys, she grabbed with glee

I nabbed her, I thought, but instead got the tree.





The ornaments, they broke, as they began to fall

The lights, how they fizzled, and that is not all.

When I reached for the plug, to turn the bulbs out,

What flowed through my body, but electricity, so stout!





As smoke encircled my head like a wreath,

That dog held my big toe, tight in her teeth.

"Skeeter," I moaned, "I give up. Oh, Skeet, I give in."

So she bit my swollen nose, and nipped at my chin.





She spoke not a word, but went back to work,

Down came the stockings it took just a jerk.

Then up from the hall, came the sound of feet,

Momma, it seemed was awake from her sleep.





"Now you'll get it pup," I announced with glee.

Then Skeeter walked over and put her little head on my knee.

She looked up at my wife - so innocent - and at me, so, so sad.

And it didn't take long, to know I'd been had.





Then came the wife's voice, so strong and so clear,

"Bill, you leave that puppy alone! You hear!"

And I exclaimed to myself, as they walked out with a strut,

"Don't leave any gifts, Santa just PICK UP THE MUTT!"



'The night before Christmas' was written by Bill McClellan


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Sea Dog's Adventure gets him in Trouble

A dog with a taste for adventure has been reunited with its owner after its exploits left it stranded on a cliff ledge for eight days.
Heidi, a doberman, ran away from her family home in Islandmagee more than a week ago after her owner, Joan Moore, let her go outside.

Her husband, Ian, said they immediately began looking for their missing pet and put flyers in local shops.

"I think the family was convinced we would not see her again," he said.

However, the family's and Heidi's luck took a turn for the better after a canoeist spotted the forlorn pooch stranded on a cliff ledge 60ft below the clifftop.

Ian Murdoch, from the Coastguard, said a member of their team had heard that the Moore's dog was missing.


"We got a report from a canoeist that a dog had been spotted trapped on the cliffs in the Portmuck area," he said.

Reunion

"So we sent down a cliff team to have a look and investigate, we sent Larne Lifeboat around as well.

"We did locate the dog, we contacted the owners to find out the temperament of the animal.

"They said it was a quiet animal so we sent a man down who lowered the dog into the lifeboat and into safe hands and its very grateful owners."

Mrs Moore said it was fantastic to get her back home again.

"It was great just to see her wee face, she was jumping up and bouncing all over. She was so excited to see us as well," she said.

"She is very thin compared to what she was, she has lost an awful lot of weight."

Heidi's next trip is to the vet for a check-up. Source:News